International Transgender Day of Visibility

Today is transgender day of visibility. It might not seem like an important thing to celebrate right now but actually, it's more important at times like this than ever  before. There will be trans people stuck in unsafe situations right now because their families cannot or will not accept that they are trans. If you know of anyone likely to be in danger today and any day during this global pandemic, please, I implore you to reach out to them.

Trans people still face unprecedented levels of discrimination and violence and according to Stonewall, two in five trans people have experienced a hate crime or incident in the past year - although I'd say it's likely more. We need allies now and always. We don't need you to fight our battles but we DO need you to elevate our voices. We need you to call out the guy at the office who makes "off colour" remarks about trans people. We need you to report hate crimes to the police. We need you to hold your favourite celebrities to account when they make transphobic jokes. We need you to do all of this and more. All the time. 

Hate crimes recorded by police in the UK have rose by 81% in 2019.  I imagine there are far more hate crimes happening but we don't report them as they have become a "normal" part of existing in the world as a trans person. 

Trans people are normal people. We are human beings with hopes, dreams, fears and flaws - just like everyone else. However, we're usually all lumped into the same category because one or two trans people make the news for being unpleasant.

Society needs to step it up in the war against transphobia. Transphobic language must always be called out and repeat offenders should be made an example of. Always respect a person's gender identity. If they came out as trans to only you, it means they trust you. Don't abuse that trust. be vocally supportive of trans people and trans causes and follow through with action. Elevate trans voices. Celebrate trans people. Understand that a person's trans identity is about them, not you. If your child is trans, this isn't something you "caused". Trans people are born that way. You can't fix trans either so don't try!

I've seen this list of questions shared by many of my trans friends and followers so I have decided that instead of waiting for people to ask these questions, I'll simply answer them here:

1) Coming out as trans has cost me friends and family. I fully expected that it would although some of the family members I have lost were unexpected. It hasn't yet impacted my work. I work with children so it's always a delicate matter but my most recent nanny family were actually great with things and even asked about my pronouns etc. 

2) I've always known I wasn't a girl. My whole life I felt awkward about being called a girl/woman/lady. However, it's only the past 4/5 years that I've been able to properly articulate what those feelings meant. 

3) My pronouns are they/them

4) I kept the name my parents gave me 

5) Stegosaurus! 

6) I'm not either and I wouldn't particularly want to be either. 

7) AMAB - Assigned male at birth AFAB - Assigned female at birth 

8) I'm not sure that I missed out on anything as such but I wish I had known that I wasn't a freak. 

9) I haven't "transitioned" as such. I'm still the same person I always was. I'm now much more comfortable in my own skin although some day I hope to have chest contouring surgery. 

10) Being murdered 

11) Most of my family have been great about me coming out. Some don't understand it and some refuse to understand/accept it. 

12) Coming out has helped me stop drinking and abusing drugs. 

13) I'm surprised at how many trans people don't accept non-binary identities.

14) Having the language to describe myself.

15) Having to repeatedly explain that I'm neither male nor female. 

16) It's hard to describe but it's like wearing the wrong size shoe. It pinches and makes you feel uncomfortable. It rubs and gives you blisters. You think you *must* have the correct size shoe because that's the size you were told was right your whole life and then when you try a different size out of curiosity, it fits and it feels perfect!

17) Not applicable

18) I "came out" via a Facebook post! 

19) "Fully transitioned" is a bit of a misnomer in my opinion. When a trans person feels comfortable in their body then they are fully transitioned. 

20) Accepting myself as "trans enough"

21) Because neither of those things are me. 

22) I think I would have probably avoided a lot of psychological distress. 

23) I'm not sure if I'm honest. It's great to be able to acknowledge myself I suppose. 

24) Not yet. I would like chest contouring surgery but I don't know if I'm brave enough. 

25) Accept my identity. Make an effort to use my correct pronouns. Call out transphobia whenever you see it. Put yourself in the firing line. 

26) I'm excited to be myself 

27) Non-binary is different for everyone. For me, I am neither male nor female.

28) It's ok and it will get better. 

29) Not applicable 

If you have any other questions, I will be answering them until Friday 03 April. 

If you would like to make any donations for my energy and providing education, please send directly to: PayPal.me/TheQueerDoula 

I am currently out of work and all donations are appreciated.